Monday, 01 September 2008
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When Love is Playing it Straight
“Tell me one of the love stories you heard yesterday”
“No, they were depressing”
“Come on, this is what happens in real life, you should know what happens in real life”
“The same things don’t happen to everyone”
“But they’re stories, like books or movies, and you watch them all the time”
“These haven’t reached their happy ending so I don’t want to say it”
She thinks I’m not sharing on purpose so I give up and decide to just say it without the drama
“This woman got married to this man who lived abroad, arranged marriage, the guy had done an MS so the parents were quite happy, he seemed decent. Six months passed and he hadn’t made the arrangements for her to join him yet, visa problems he said. Her parents talked to his and finally the girl’s parents decided to just send her abroad on their own. When he received her at the airport he told her to sit in the backseat and when they reached the house he asked her to sleep in another room. At first she thought he had an affair or something was wrong with her, but she found out that he was gay and he knew she had, so he cut all the phone lines in the house and locked her up. Her parents hadn’t heard from her since the day she reached. They could only get through his number but he kept saying she was in the shower or having fun at the neighbours’ house. They got suspicious after this happened a few times and finally they managed to find a relative who visited the house and rescued the girl from there. Now she’s back home.”
“That’s what they say about boys who go abroad, you’ve got to be careful.”
I know, I’ve heard too many stories. I can’t club all emigrants in one category, and it’s possible to marry an idiot anywhere in the world.
“Why did he cut all the phone lines?”
“Because he didn’t want anyone to know he was gay.”
“Why did he ask her to sit in the backseat?”
“Because he didn’t want her to be anywhere near him. Pretty cruel.”
“Is it a characteristic of being gay?”
“No! Anyone could act like that. Gays are just not accepted by a lot of people, it’s like being a minority group, so it’s pretty hard, like you have to live undercover. I guess both thought they had to get married. I have no idea what the girl is going through now. Really sad.”
“Are there more gays now than there used to be? You didn’t hear these stories before.”
“They were mentioned in ancient Greece, the Kamasutra talks about gay love, it’s just a sexual orientation. It’s like women are coming out more now, gays are finding their voice.”
She doesn’t notice the inversion, she’s shifting perspectives. I love her for being so sheltered and really wanting to understand. I know people who have been screwed over at the altar because people just can’t let each other be, and it’s not fair to anyone. A friend was going through arranged marriage proposals recently and we were talking about chemistry and I remembered Sex and the City and how the girls would never consider marrying anyone they hadn’t at least kissed before. “I think that’s what you’re supposed to do when the parents leave the prospective couple alone to talk.” (I was kidding) There is no right way to find love. I really wish there weren’t so many restrictions on it.
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